On keeping secrets

Being an EA often means you are one of one. You might belong to a group of EAs depending on the size of your company, but when it comes down to it, you rarely have colleagues you can fully confide in. You're privy to almost everything that concerns your principal while needing to remain serene, approachable, and discreet in all situations. This doesn't prevent you from sharing opinions or gently guiding decisions, but it requires careful consideration about what to reveal and to whom.

This dynamic simultaneously makes you both an insider – if you don't maintain strong working relationships and stay informed, your role becomes nearly impossible – and an outsider – regular office gossip may cease around you and friendships with team members might be limited due to your proximity to the "boss." There is a tightrope, one we walk everyday as an EA, but being able to navigate that with grace, without seeming aloof is an invaluable skill to learn.

Previous colleagues described me as a "cold fish" because I tended to keep them at arm's length. This stemmed from two experiences: being burnt early in my career when I blurred the lines between friendship and professionalism, and wanting to avoid awkwardness when asked about things I couldn't discuss.

Looking back, I now realise the difficulty wasn't fear that I would inadvertently disclose something, but a fundamental misunderstanding of my role. I no longer see myself as a "secret keeper", more as a second brain. This shift occurred when I realised that everything crossing my desk is a context clue, an indication as to how to react if a meeting request comes in or if a previously incredibly engaged colleague begins to tap out (or vice versa!). What I once saw as "secrets" are now simply data points, confidential ones, certainly, but data nonetheless. Their value lies in how they help me perform better, filed away to apply when relevant.

This perspective shift has brought two benefits: I no longer feel burdened by sensitive information, and my colleagues don't feel compelled to pry because they understand I’ll share what I can, when I can – and nothing more.

Our role is challenging, ever-changing, and unpredictable, but much of the mental load can be lifted by detaching yourself from the idea of being a “secret keeper”. Respect your position and its expectations, consult with your principal when necessary to fully understand sensitive topics... and that's it. Just because something is heavy and you can't seek outside opinions doesn't mean it should weigh you down.

As Kate Moss said: "Never complain, never explain."